Tom Antion - Sleep Humor

Don't tell me what you dreamed last night for I've been reading Freud.
---Franklin Adams

Insomniacs don't sleep because they worry about it, and they worry about it because they don't sleep.---Franklin Adams

He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
---Fred Allen

It is such stuff and nonsense that dreams are made of.
---Clifton Fadiman

The smaller the head, the bigger the dream.
---Austin O'Malley

My life's dream has been a perpetual nightmare.
---Voltaire

A professor is someone who talk's in someone else's sleep.
---Wystan Auden

A man of sixty has spent twenty years in bed and over three years eating.
---Arnold Bennett

It's not easy for X and Y to lay in the same bed unless both are asleep.
(Use this and substitute two rivaling parties for X & Y)

The only time most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep. ---Wilson Mizner

I never sleep comfortably except when I am at a sermon.
---Rabelais

Sleep is an excellent way of listening to an opera.
---James Stephens