Public Speaking - Microphone Squeals Saver Lines

* This is the portion of my presentation where I do my elephant impression.

* That is a result of many years of inhaling helium.

* I'll bet you never heard anyone clear their throat like that before.

* Don't be alarmed. This is only a test.

* Don't worry. I pass out earplugs at all my talks. If I don't, someone else will.

* If you think that's bad, wait until I start singing.

* Is there an ear, nose, and throat specialist in the crowd? You'll have plenty of business tonight if this keeps up.

* The microphone and I are squealing with delight because we are both happy to be here.

* For those of you who can still hear, welcome.

* "Squeal" comes from the Latin word "Squel-en" which means: You will look like a big dummy before you start your talk.